Special Area Human Relationships
(credits to Kenshin Ueoka, my excellent teammate) (Some swearing included)
Introductory Questions
(credits to Kenshin Ueoka, my excellent teammate) (Some swearing included)
Introductory Questions
- Aristotle once wrote, “Man is by nature a social animal.” What do you think he meant?
- I believe Aristotle meant that humans are animals which enjoy one another’s company, and prefers to converse with other people instead of being alone.
- Why do you think we form relationships with other people?
- Friendships are formed in order to relieve some of our loneliness, as well as being productive in terms of our work. Romantic relationships are formed in order to relieve not only our loneliness, but pain as well. There are also biological factors that come into this, as it is simply nature of all organisms to reproduce.
- What makes some relationships more lasting or more meaningful than others?
- I believe this comes down to compatibility. It is simply a question of if one favors another’s personality, and if not, friction in the relationships will occur, causing break ups or rejection.
- Are some people more social than others? If so, why do you think this is?
- Some people are more social than others. This is due to the difference in interpersonal skills, such as manners, verbal/non verbal communication skills, listening skills, etc. People with high social intelligence are better at acting in an appropriate manner to the appropriate person.
- Friendship comes with benefits; does it also come with costs?
- There is a cost to simply everything in life. Of course, friendships do too. Friends often get confused with one another’s boundaries, and mistake what it is OK for them to do with what is not OK for them to do, crossing those boundaries. Once a boundary is crossed without permission, it will result with sorrow, conflict and anger. But if they are true friends, they will eventually be able to apologise and understand one another better.
- For many people, the most important human relationships are those they form with their families. Are family relationships similar all over the world, or do they vary meaningfully by culture? And, is it always better to be close to your family?
- Every family have different traditions and methods, but are quite similar in essence. For example, a Japanese family would have very different traditions to a Spanish family. But in the end, there is no correct form or best kinds of human relations. One must simply look for what fits them, and what allows them to feel the most safe and comfortable. For some, that could mean meeting their families every day, when for another, it could mean meeting their families every week, month or year. Again, it is important to look for what is most effective for you, to make yourself feel ‘at home’ the most.
- Is there anyone with whom you thought you’d never become friends, but to whom you are now close? Conversely, is there anyone with whom you thought you’d be friends forever, but from whom you have since grown apart?
- Of course. Human relationships are never static. They are constantly changing, influenced by culture, other friends, societal trends, etc. These changes cause other people to fit to your personality more, or vise versa.
- Are your friends mostly IRL, or do many of them live on the internet? How are relationships different across different mediums of communication and interaction?
- The key difference between friends made in person or online, is the order in which you get to know one another. When meeting a person in real life, your first line of judgement is how they look. Their appearance, their voice, their body shape. Later, if you decide to talk and converse, you will get to know their personality, religion, and ideologies. On the other hand, when you meet someone online, the first line of judgement is their personality, and their ‘insides’ in general. Later, if you decide to meet up with them, you will see their ‘outside’ for the first time. If that changes what you thought of them differs case by case.
- Essential Questions
- Is proximity the most important force in starting friendships?
- Although proximity is an important force, it is not the most. The most important is respect. Respect for one another’s boundaries and the respect for diversity in culture or body shape. One can be extremely ‘close’ to another, but without respect, that may be turning to the wrong side one day, such as bullying or teasing.
- Do we like our friends because of who they are—or because they like who we are?
- I must say it is a bit of both. The reason why our friends are our friends, is simply because we enjoy their company, and they feel the same way for us. This may due to the fact that we have lots in common and end up spending lots of time together, and/or because we have compatible personalities and hobbies. Another important factor when it comes to friendship, is Reciprocity. "The transition from acquaintanceship to friendship is typically characterized by an increase in both the breadth and depth of self-disclosure," asserts University of Winnipeg sociologist Beverley Fehr, author of Friendship Processes. "In the early stages of friendship, this tends to be a gradual, reciprocal process. One person takes the risk of disclosing personal information and then 'tests' whether the other reciprocates." If they do, a friendship is established.
- Why do some people choose to have fewer friends?
- Perhaps it is simply due to one’s stance on friendships. Some people may prefer to have a few friends to stay together with 24/7 and make those bonds as strong as super glue, whereas some may prefer to have many friends and spread out the amount of time spent on each one. Those with fewer friends tend to be more shy, less eager to talk to people they haven’t talked to before and waits for them to talk to them first.
- What is the greatest number of friends a person can have?
- This is entirely dependent on the social status, and the amount of time they dedicate into recreational activities with his/her friends. For example, someone rich but has lots of free time, such as an apartment owner may have lots of friends, because they have the ability to walk around the streets and meet new people. If tried, someone may be able to become friends with most, if not all the people in a certain area, such as ‘Bangkok’ or ‘Sukhumvit’ but it will be extremely difficult and fairly meaningless if it crosses a certain extent. For example, becoming friends with someone you probably won’t meet again is fairly meaningless.
- Is proximity the most important force in starting friendships?
- The Ingredients of Friendship
- sympathy | empathy | “similarity begets friendship”
- Sympathy: “feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else's misfortune.” It is very similar to Empathy, but usually only applies to when something bad has happened to someone else and you are empathising for their misfortune.
- Empathy: “the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.” This is fairly straightforward, it is respect for one another’s experiences, both positive and negative.
- “similarity begets friendship”: Plato wrote "similarity begets friendship" in his 360 BCE play Phaedrus. As mentioned earlier, the reason why our friends are our friends, is simply because we enjoy their company, and they feel the same way for us. This may due to the fact that we have lots in common and end up spending lots of time together, and/or because we have compatible personalities and hobbies.
- childhood | reciprocation | trust
- Childhood: “the period during which a person is a child.” Childhood is said to be the only time of your life where you can make true friends. When you grow into the adult world, all relationships have special benefits or a sense of superiority over one another. You might be close to your boss, but he/she can’t truly be your ‘friend’. When you are an innocent child, you can treat one another as equals. Even if you are a black child born in the slums, you can still be good friends with a young white lad (though it is difficult to state that the friendship will last long).
- Reciprocation: “You reciprocate when you return a favor, return a compliment, or respond "the same to you" to the angry guy in the car you just passed. In short, you react to an action, statement, or emotion by mirroring it. This one comes from the Latin verb reciprocare, meaning to move back and forth.” Reciprocation creates a similarity, which is a key component when beginning a friendship. The fact that we’re going through the same experience allows us to form a strong connection of empathy, thus creating a platform for conversation, which possibly leads to making a new friend.
- Trust: “firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.” The dictionary definition is very brief, but this is simply because trust is a concept that applies to basically everything: Not only in friendships and romantic relationships, but also in business and economics, religion, technology, everything. In human relationships, trust is key in order to maintain a positive relationship with someone.
- proximity | propinquity | “repeated, unplanned interactions”
- Proximity: “nearness in space, time, or relationship.” In this context, proximity refers to how ‘close’ you are to another person. The closer you are to someone, the more you open up to them about personal, more private matters. These relationships are established through long history with one another.
- Propinquity: “the state of being close to someone or something; proximity.” So, basically the same thing as proximity
- “repeated, unplanned interactions”: This is one of the 3 things sociologists have agreed to be essential in making close friends. They are ‘proximity’, ‘repeated, unplanned interactions’, and ‘a setting that encourages people to let their guard down and confide in each other.’ No questions there, I believe.
- sympathy | empathy | “similarity begets friendship”
- Friendly Terms to Know
- dependency | imaginary friend | BFF
- Dependency could mean a lot of things:
- “the state of relying on or being controlled by someone or something else.”
- “reliance on someone or something for financial support.”
- “addiction to drink or drugs.”
- Overall, it isn’t something to be afraid of, as dependency leads to comfort and happiness. But too much of it leads to the collapse of a person.
- imaginary friend: “Imaginary friends (also known as pretend friends or invisible friends) are a psychological and social phenomenon where a friendship or other interpersonal relationship takes place in the imagination rather than external physical reality.” It’s sad. Go out there and make some friends. Real friends. (Personal opinion) But the fact that you are able to compensate for your lack of interpersonal skills using your imagination is a little better than having no friends at all in reality or in imagination. It’s still pretty sad tho (personal opinion). “Often children who have imaginary friends are only children, or oldest children in the family; but having an imaginary friend does not mean that your child is lonely. They are usually creative, imaginative children.” (expert opinion) “Children usually stop playing with make-believe friends – whether they have one, several or even a whole family of them – when they're ready to move on. Imaginary friends are most likely to be around for several months, but they could be a feature of your child's life for up to three years.”(expert opinion) So if you’re 4 and still have imaginary friends, you’re special. Very special. (Personal opinion)
- BFF: A word used by my little sister quite often (random anecdote): “a girl's best friend.” It stands for “Best Friend Forever”, which is a very idiotic concept as nothing lasts forever, not even planets.(Personal opinion)
- Dependency could mean a lot of things:
- mutual friend | bromance and womance | frenemy
- mutual friend: “The definition of mutual is something that goes both ways, such as when two people feel the same way about each other or when two people like the same person. An example of mutual is when Ann likes Joe and Joe likes Ann. An example of mutual is when Ann is friends with Tim and Bill is friends with Tim.”
- Bromance and Womance: “A womance is a close but non-sexual relationship between two (or more) women, a form of affectional or homosocial intimacy. The word womance is a portmanteau of the words woman and romance. The emergence of the terms bromance and womance has been seen as reflecting increased relationship-seeking as a modern behavior.” Bromance is the same, just with between men. Since this is not sexual, it is not necessarily “Lesbian” or “Gay”.
- Frenemy: “a person with whom one is friendly despite a fundamental dislike or rivalry.” “The type of "friend" whose words or actions bring you down.(whether you realize it as intentional or not) The type of friend you ought to cut off but don't cuz...they're nice... good ...you've had good times with them. U know...they're good people that you can count on to bring you down again sometime in the near future.”(Urban dictionary) Personally, I believe that frenemies exist for less socially intelligent people who feel insecure about themselves and get jealous of other happy, smart people because their lives seem so beautiful. My condolences.
- critical friend | Six Degrees of Separation
- critical friend: “A critical friend is someone who is encouraging and supportive, but who also provides honest and often candid feedback that may be uncomfortable or difficult to hear. In short, a critical friend is someone who agrees to speak truthfully, but constructively, about weaknesses, problems, and emotionally charged issues.” In my opinion, we call these people good friends because they’re completely honest with you and values your personal growth. It’s your fault that these comments offend you, because it’s your actions that caused him/her to feel this way about you.
- Six Degrees of Separation: “Six degrees of separation is the idea that all living things and everything else in the world are six or fewer steps away from each other so that a chain of "a friend of a friend" statements can be made to connect any two people in a maximum of six steps.” Honestly, I don’t know what to feel about this insanely bold statement, as I’ve never seen this be verified in my life. But If my friend of a friend’s friend of a friend’s friend of a friend is from Congo or Antarctica, I would believe it.
- homosociality | Dunbar number | hedgehog’s dilemma
- Homosociality: “In sociology, homosociality means same-sex relationships that are not of a romantic or sexual nature, such as friendship, mentorship, or others. ... Jean Lipman-Blumen had earlier (1976) defined homosociality as a preference for members of one's own sex – a social rather than a sexual preference.” I guess this is just one of the categories of ‘friends’.
- Dunbar number: “a theoretical limit to the number of people with whom any individual is able to sustain a stable or meaningful social relationship (usually considered to be roughly 150).” So I guess there is a limit to how many friends you have.
- hedgehog’s dilemma: The phrase hedgehog's dilemma refers to the notion that: (1) The closer two beings come to one another in a relationship, the more likely it might be for them to inflict psychological pain on each other. (2) Yet if they remain apart, they each might feel the roughly-equivalent (psychological) pain of loneliness. This notion comes from the conjecture that hedgehogs, with sharp spines on their backs, might hurt each other if they get too close. It is a character trait believed to be possessed by some individuals, in real life as well as in works of fiction, sometimes causing anti-social behaviours, often allegedly caused by an unpleasant past experience of intimate relationships. A person who suffers from the hedgehog's dilemma will usually avoid becoming too close or involved with someone, due to fear of another similar, possibly painful, experience, such as they had experienced in the past.(Urban Dictionary) So we’re not supposed to get too close with our friends? I call BS. Friends are cool.
- dependency | imaginary friend | BFF
- Unfriendly Terms to Know
- language barrier | unemployment | aging | hermitage | loneliness
- Language barrier: A barrier to communication between people who are unable to speak a common language. If I was in Spain when I can’t speak Spanish at all, I would have trouble communicating with people there. But if there was someone that was able to speak both Spanish and English who was willing to help me out, I would probably become friends with that guy/girl.
- Unemployment: “the state of being unemployed.” (Gee, thanks, Google) Simply put, it is not having a job.
- Aging: “the process of growing old.” Can’t get any easier than that. Aging is a natural process, unless you’re from Sci-Fi land.
- Hermitage: “the dwelling of a hermit, especially when small and remote.” “Your summer cabin deep in the woods where you go to think about how funny life is sometimes? If you want to sound fancy, it could be called a hermitage, a dwelling removed from civilization.” “The noun hermitage has origins in the French word hermite, meaning “hermit,” a person who lives alone, far from society. Hermitage can describe the place where a hermit lives, or a dwelling occupied by an isolated religious group that prefers solitude. But the word is likely to be used more broadly to describe a secluded or remote dwelling, a place of solitude, where you won’t run into a neighbor while mowing the lawn in the backyard.”
- Loneliness: “Loneliness is a complex and usually unpleasant emotional response to isolation. Loneliness typically includes anxious feelings about a lack of connection or communication with other beings, both in the present and extending into the future. As such, loneliness can be felt even when surrounded by other people.” “Middle aged adults who live alone have a 24% increased risk of dying of heart disease, according to a 2012 Harvard study. ... Since they don't have social support, they're more susceptible to the effects of stress, which increases the likelihood of getting heart disease.” The more you know.
- passive-aggressive | avoidant personality disorder | agoraphobia
- Passive-aggressiveness: As the word indicates, is a tendency to engage in indirect expression of hostility through acts such as subtle insults, sullen behavior, stubbornness, or a deliberate failure to accomplish required tasks. Simply put, a smelly person.(Personal opinion)
- avoidant personality disorder: “Avoidant personality disorder (AvPD) is a Cluster C personality disorder. Those affected display a pattern of severe social anxiety, social inhibition, feelings of inadequacy and inferiority, extreme sensitivity to negative evaluation, and avoidance of social interaction despite a strong desire for intimacy.” I think we all at least 1 person is susceptible to AvPD. Someone that is over-sensitive to critical feedback.
- Agoraphobia: Leaving home can be a reason to panic for some. Agoraphobia refers to a fear of any place where escape may be difficult, including large open spaces or crowds, as well as various means of travel. Seriously?(Personal Opinion)
- Avolition | hikikomori | ghosting | seenzoning | ostracization
- Avolition: “Avolition, as a symptom of various forms of psychopathology, is the decrease in the motivation to initiate and perform self-directed purposeful activities.” “Avolition is a negative symptom of schizophrenia and is the lack of ability to start, engage in, and complete tasks that are goal-based. Remember, in schizophrenia negative doesn't mean bad - it means that something is lacking or not there that is supposed to be. For example, flat affect is another negative symptom and is when there is no emotional response in a person when there should be. Examples of avolition include not being able to take a shower and get dressed, clean a room, or perform school or work activities. This symptom of schizophrenia often is difficult to deal with for friends and loved ones and may affect the sufferer's social and occupational life”(AlleyDog) Man, that’s pretty scary.(Personal opinion)
- Hikikomori: “(in Japan) the abnormal avoidance of social contact, typically by adolescent males.” This a Japanese word directly translated to ‘shut in’. Sometimes called a NEET, these are people who just stay in their homes using the internet to kill their worthless time. I don’t like how dictionary said “typically by adolescent males”, because women also become hikikomoris.
- Ghosting: “the appearance of a ghost or secondary image on a television or other display screen.” “the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.” So basically when someone just ‘disappears’ because they suddenly stop communicating with anyone.
- Seenzoning: “Seenzoned" actually came from the social media, most especially, in facebook, where we are able to chat with are friends. ... It is especially used for people who have a crush or like who they are chatting with. "Seenzoned" and "friendzoned" are the zones of unrequited love.” Wow, that’s worse than being friendzoned because you don’t see them in real life.(personal opinion)
- Ostracization: “1. to exclude, by general consent, from society, friendship, conversation, privileges, etc. His friends ostracized him after his father's arrest. 2. to banish (a person) from his or her native country; expatriate. 3.(in ancient Greece) to banish (a citizen) temporarily by popular vote.” So basically like, pushing someone out. Usually happens with my little sister’s small friend group.(Personal anecdote?)
- stigmatization | betrayal | “it’s not you, it’s me” | introverted vs antisocial
- Stigmatization: In Ancient Greece, a stigma was a brand burned into a slave or a criminal's skin to symbolize disgrace. In the 1500s, the word stigmatize meant literally "to brand or tattoo." Nowadays, to stigmatize is to shame or brand a person in a more symbolic way. “In Erving Goffman's theory of social stigma, a stigma is an attribute, behavior, or reputation which is socially discrediting in a particular way: it causes an individual to be mentally classified by others in an undesirable, rejected stereotype rather than in an accepted, normal one.”
- Betrayal: “the action of betraying one's country, a group, or a person; treachery.” Commonly seen in drama, but also sometimes in real life.
- “it’s not you, it’s me”: “Here’s the story: You’re living in a warm, peaceful bubble of love when your significant other comes home one day. The first thing they say to you is, “We need to talk.” Next, “This isn’t working out,” crosses their lips, and when you say whatever the pain and shock forces out of your mouth, they follow up with a puppy-eyed “It’s not you, it’s me.” At this point, your heart hits the floor, and you hate this person as if they killed your dog. Then, you still love them and want to beg them to stay. You’re feeling 1,000 emotions at this point, and none of it is pretty, we’ve all been there. Be honest with yourself: Could this person have broken your heart in a nicer way? Is it really possible for them to make you smile after the fact? No.” “The “It’s not you, it’s me” routine got its bad reputation after it fell into the wrong hands and was eventually overworked and clichéd. In the beginning, it wasn’t so much of a line, but more of the person breaking up lacking communication skills. The person saying these words is taking responsibility for their inability to please you. They are letting you know that you are not the problem, and that they are. The puppy-eyed look that follows this line isn’t all for show. It hurts them to hurt you.”
- introverted vs antisocial: Introverted: “of, denoting, or typical of an introvert.” Antisocial: “not sociable; not wanting the company of others.” “As adjectives the difference between introverted and antisocial is that introverted is possessing the characteristic property of an introvert preferring the internal, satisfied with self, lacking interest or comfort in social interactions while antisocial is unwilling or unable to associate normally with other people.”
- language barrier | unemployment | aging | hermitage | loneliness
- Family Ties
- What is unique to your family relationships—or are there some things you would never do with your family?
- This may probably just be a typical Japanese family, but we would never disregard our father. Since my mother is just a housewife, our father is the only breadwinner for the family. Father is at the top of the social hierarchy in my family.
- What would your life be like if you grew up in a differently structured family?
- If I was adopted, for example, I guess I wouldn’t have as much ‘propinquity’ with my other siblings or parents. I would value my relationships with friends more than I value my family.
- Biologically, your family is the people who are genetically closest to you. Socially, how and why might this definition be different?
- Say for example a soldier lost his entire family in a war. When he came back, his entire village is burned to the ground. Sad, huh? But he has his friends at war, fellow soldiers which has also lost their families. Now, they’re as close to you as your family. Socially, a family is someone you would trust with your life and would like to protect at all costs.
- What is unique to your family relationships—or are there some things you would never do with your family?
- Types of Family and Kinship
- nuclear | single parent | childless | adoptive
- Nuclear: “a couple and their dependent children, regarded as a basic social unit.” Basically, a family with mom, dad, and 1 child.
- Single Parent: a person bringing up a child or children without a partner. It’s tough being a single parent, because you need to take care of your family while going to work, and there’s no-one to take care of your child (unless you hire someone to do that).
- Childless: “Childlessness is people - men and women - having no children. Childlessness may have personal, social or political significance.”
- Adoptive: “Adoption is a process whereby a person assumes the parenting of another, usually a child, from that person's biological or legal parent or parents, and, in so doing, permanently transfers all rights and responsibilities, along with filiation, from the biological parent or parents.” Personally, I’m not against adoption, because it gives sad children a new home and a loving family. But there might be some psychological drawbacks for the child.
- extended | beanpole | reconstituted | clan
- Extended family: “a family that extends beyond the nuclear family, including grandparents, aunts, uncles, and other relatives, who all live nearby or in one household.”
- Beanpole: “The beanpole family is a 21st century version of the extended family: with a long thin structure, the beanpole family has strong ties but lives apart. There aren't many children per family, but intergenerational ties are strong – even if separated by oceans.”
- Reconstituted: “The simple definition of a blended family, also called a step family, reconstituted family, or a complex family, is a family unit where one or both parents have children from a previous relationship, but they have combined to form a new family. The parents may or may not then have children with each other.” Happens a lot in step-sibling-insest yuri type anime. I highly recommend not going there. (Citrus) (Personal experience)
- Clan: “1. a group of families or households, as among the Scottish Highlanders, the heads of which claim descent from a common ancestor: the Mackenzie clan. 2. a group of people of common descent; family: Our whole clan got together for Thanksgiving.”
- family of choice | surrogacy | milk kinship
- “family of choice”: “The concept of 'families of choice' is intended to capture the commitment of chosen, rather than fixed, relationships and ties of intimacy, care and support.” “Families of Choice, also sometimes called found family, is a trope often associated with ensembles or team-based canons. It involves two or more people choosing to treat one another as family in an emotional sense (and sometimes legally as well).”
- Surrogacy: “the action or state of being a surrogate.” (Gee, thanks Google) “the practice by which a woman (called a surrogate mother) becomes pregnant and gives birth to a baby in order to give it to someone who cannot have children.”
- Milk kinship: “formed during nursing by a non-biological mother, was a form of fostering allegiance with fellow community members. ... Milk kinship used the practice of breast feeding by a wet nurse to feed a child either from the same community, or a neighbouring one.”
- grandparents | blended | dysfunctional
- Grandparents: “a parent of one's father or mother; a grandmother or grandfather.” Sometime, children with lost or busy parents live with their grandparents.
- Blended: “a family consisting of a couple and their children from this and all previous relationships.” “a family that includes children of a previous marriage of one spouse or both” Very similar to a reconstituted family.
- Dysfunctional: “A dysfunctional family is a family in which conflict, misbehavior, and often child neglect or abuse on the part of individual parents occur continuously and regularly, leading other members to accommodate such actions. Children sometimes grow up in such families with the understanding that such an arrangement is normal.” Ouch.(Personal opinion)
- nuclear | single parent | childless | adoptive
- Additional Terms to Know
- ABCX Model | family systems theory | family resilience
- ABCX Model: “The term "family stress adaptation theory" refers to the theories of many psychologists. The major family stress model, called Hill's ABCX model, identifies major contributors to family stress, buffers against stress, and agents that cause family crisis. While many psychologists after Hill added to his theory or proposed new theories of family stress adaptation, Hill's remains the best known example.”
- family systems theory: “The family systems theory is a theory introduced by Dr. Murray Bowen that suggests that individuals cannot be understood in isolation from one another, but rather as a part of their family, as the family is an emotional unit.”
- family resilience: “One of the common factors associated with successful adaptation and coping is identified as resilience of individual family members. Resilience can be generally defined as the ability to "bounce back" to healthy functioning when faced with significant stressors and events.”
- attachment theory | only child | parenting styles
- attachment theory: “a set of concepts that explain the emergence of an emotional bond between an infant and primary caregiver and the way in which this bond affects the child's behavioral and emotional development into adulthood.”
- only child: “An only child is a person with no siblings, either biological or adopted. The term only child is generally applied only to those individuals who have never had siblings.” Only childs have less social intelligence and are less skilled at dealing with stress (Personal opinion), because they have less experience dealing with conflict amongst people from early ages.
- Parenting styles: “A parenting style is a psychological construct representing standard strategies that parents use in their child rearing. The quality of parenting can be more essential than the quantity of time spent with the child.” A very interesting infographic
- consanguinity | family tree | genealogy
- Consanguinity: “Consanguinity ("blood relation", from the Latin consanguinitas) is the property of being from the same kinship as another person. In that aspect, consanguinity is the quality of being descended from the same ancestor as another person.”
- Family tree: “a diagram showing the relationships between people in several generations of a family; a genealogical tree.”
- Genealogy: “a line of descent traced continuously from an ancestor.”
- ABCX Model | family systems theory | family resilience
- Essential Questions
- Is “romantic love” a modern concept? When did it first come about?
- Romantic love came about at around the time when people started to have less ‘arranged marriages’. For example in Japan, after WW2 where a lot more foreign cultures came in to the country, people started having less arranged marriages and young souls were allowed to go out and search for their own partners. “Until the first half of the 20th century, arranged marriages were common in migrant families in the United States. They were sometimes called picture-bride marriages among Japanese American immigrants because the bride and groom knew each other only through the exchange of photographs before the day of their marriage.” Once people were allowed to ‘find’ love, romantic love was born.
- How are dating and courtship viewed in different cultures?
- Courtship: “a period during which a couple develop a romantic relationship, especially with a view to marriage.” Dating is just messing around with the opposite gender during your youthful years.(personal opinion). If we trace back in history for a few hundred years, dating with no motive of getting married would be seen as a waste of time. But in modern day, dating is often encouraged.
- Why are more people than ever before choosing not to marry?
- “Today, the number of single adults in the U.S. – and many other nations around the world – is unprecedented. And the numbers don’t just say people are staying single longer before settling down. More are staying single for life. A 2014 Pew Report estimates that by the time today’s young adults reach the age of 50, about one in four of them will have never married.” One of the reasons why less people are getting married is because women started getting empowered. They started pursuing education and a career, where as a few hundred years ago, they were just meant to work in the kitchen and raise children. So then education and empowering themselves became a priority. Second, many young people choose to invest time in themselves and their relationship with self as against that with another person. They chase travel, experiences and dreams rather than settling down. As a result, they lose interest in the concept of marriage and end up surpassing the idea in its entirety. What has the world become?(Personal opinion)
- Should marriage be treated as a contractual arrangement?
- This is a debatable question, as there are official documents which need to be filled out by couples before they get married. “A prenuptial agreement, antenuptial agreement, or premarital agreement, commonly abbreviated to prenup or prenupt, is a contract entered into prior to marriage, civil union or any other agreement prior to the main agreement by the people intending to marry or contract with each other. The content of a prenuptial agreement can vary widely, but commonly includes provisions for division of property and spousal support in the event of divorce or breakup of marriage. They may also include terms for the forfeiture of assets as a result of divorce on the grounds of adultery; further conditions of guardianship may be included as well. It should not be confused with the historic marriage settlement which was concerned not primarily with the effects of divorce but with the establishment and maintaining of dynastic families.” We must keep in mind that marriage is an contract, but you still have your own freedom of choice when you feel the need to get divorced.
- What is the science behind love--can love be seen as a chemical reaction or neurological phenomenon?
- “There are three phases to falling in love and different hormones are involved at each stage. Events occurring in the brain when we are in love have similarities with mental illness. When we are attracted to somebody, it could be because subconsciously we like their genes.” Stage 1: Lust. Simple. Stage 2: Attraction. “This is the truly love-struck phase. When people fall in love they can think of nothing else. They might even lose their appetite and need less sleep, preferring to spend hours at a time daydreaming about their new lover.” “In the attraction stage, a group of neuro-transmitters called 'monoamines' play an important role: Dopamine - Also activated by cocaine and nicotine, Norepinephrine - Otherwise known as adrenalin. Starts us sweating and gets the heart racing, and Serotonin - One of love's most important chemicals and one that may actually send us temporarily insane.” Stage 3: Attachment. “Attachment is a longer lasting commitment and is the bond that keeps couples together when they go on to have children. Important in this stage are two hormones released by the nervous system, which are thought to play a role in social attachments: Oxytocin - This is released by the hypothalamus gland during childbirth and also helps the breast express milk. The theory goes that the more sex a couple has, the deeper their bond becomes. The other chemical is Vasopressin - Another important chemical in the long-term commitment stage. It is an important controller of the kidney and its role in long-term relationships was discovered when scientists looked at the prairie vole.
- Is “romantic love” a modern concept? When did it first come about?
- Terms to Know
- infatuation | puppy love | love-hate | friendzone
- Infatuation: “an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone or something.”
- Puppy love: “an intense but relatively shallow romantic attachment, typically associated with adolescents.”
- Love-hate: “(of a relationship) characterized by ambivalent feelings of love and hate felt by one or each of two or more parties.”
- Friendzone: Sad(Personal opinion). “In popular culture, the friend zone is a situation in which one member of a friendship wishes to enter into a romantic or sexual relationship, while the other does not. It is generally considered to be an undesirable situation for the rejected person.”
- limerence | free love | sublimation | crystallization
- Limerence: “the state of being infatuated or obsessed with another person, typically experienced involuntarily and characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation of one's feelings but not primarily for a sexual relationship.”
- Free love: “the idea or practice of having sexual relations according to choice, without being restricted by marriage or other long-term relationships.” Irresponsible playboy.(Personal opinion)
- Sublimation: “In psychology, sublimation is a mature type of defense mechanism where socially unacceptable impulses or idealizations are unconsciously transformed into socially acceptable actions or behavior, possibly resulting in a long-term conversion of the initial impulse.”
- Crystallization: “the psychologist Cattell suggested two different forms of intelligence. Fluid intelligence is defined as the ability to solve new problems, use logic in new situations, and identify patterns. In contrast, crystallized intelligence is defined as the ability to use learned knowledge and experience.”
- philia, storge, agape, and eros | unrequited love | PDA
- philia, storge, agape, and eros: “Philia (/ˈfɪljə/ or /ˈfɪliə/; Ancient Greek: φιλία), often translated "brotherly love", is one of the four ancient Greek words for love: philia, storge, agape and eros. In Aristotle's Nicomachean Ethics, philia is usually translated as "friendship" or affection.[1] The complete opposite is called a phobia.”
- Eros: Sexual love
- Agape (Ancient Greek ἀγάπη, agápē) is a Greco-Christian term referring to love, "the highest form of love, charity" and "the love of God for man and of man for God". ... Some contemporary writers have sought to extend the use of agape into non-religious contexts.
- Storge (/ˈstɔːrɡɪ/, from the Ancient Greek word στοργή storgē) or familial love refers to natural or instinctual affection, such as the love of a parent towards offspring and vice versa. In social psychology, another term for love between good friends is philia.
- Unrequited love: “Unrequited love or one-sided love is love that is not openly reciprocated or understood as such by the beloved. ... The Merriam Webster Online Dictionary defines unrequited as "not reciprocated or returned in kind" Overused in anime way too much.(personal experience) (Koi to Uso) (Nisekoi)
- PDA: Public Display of Affection, “Kissing, holding hands, cuddling on a park bench: these are just some of the ways couples show their love for one another in front of others. While public displays of affection may not seem that essential for a relationship, having PDA compatibility with a loved one is.”
- philia, storge, agape, and eros: “Philia (/ˈfɪljə/ or /ˈfɪliə/; Ancient Greek: φιλία), often translated "brotherly love", is one of the four ancient Greek words for love: philia, storge, agape and eros. In Aristotle's Nicomachean Ethics, philia is usually translated as "friendship" or affection.[1] The complete opposite is called a phobia.”
- love triangle | breakup | long-distance | proposal
- love triangle: “A love triangle (also called a romantic love triangle or a romance triangle) is usually a romantic relationship involving three people. While it can refer to two people independently romantically linked with a third, it usually implies that each of the three people has some kind of relationship to the other two.” Ha! Unlucky! (Personal opinion) Overused in anime way too much (Koi to Uso) (Nisekoi)
- Breakup: The end of a relationship. Sad.(Personal opinion) Also a stepping stone to allow for personal growth (Also personal opinion)
- Long distance: “a romantic relationship between two people who live far apart and so are unable to meet on a frequent basis.” Likely to fall apart over long periods of time (Personal opinion)
- Proposal: An offer of marriage. Always very romantic and disgusting to watch (from a single asshole’s perspective)
- oxytocin | phenylethylamine | norepinephrine
- Oxytocin: “a hormone released by the pituitary gland that causes increased contraction of the uterus during labor and stimulates the ejection of milk into the ducts of the breasts.”
- Phenylethylamine: “Phenethylamine (PEA), also known as β-phenylethylamine (β-PEA) and 2-phenylethan-1-amine, is an organic compound, natural monoamine alkaloid, and trace amine which acts as a central nervous system stimulant in humans.” Impossible to pronounce. (Personal opinion)
- Norepinephrine: “a hormone that is released by the adrenal medulla and by the sympathetic nerves and functions as a neurotransmitter. It is also used as a drug to raise blood pressure.” Difficult to pronounce. (Personal opinion)
- infatuation | puppy love | love-hate | friendzone
- A Deeper Look at Marriage
- bridewealth | wedding | dowry | concubinage | polygamy | monogamy
- Bridewealth: “Bridewealth is often one part of a reciprocal exchange, in which case it is accompanied by the provision of a dowry—a payment presented by the bride's family to that of the groom. Bridewealth may consist of money or goods, and it may be paid in one sum or in installments over a period of time.”
- Wedding: “a marriage ceremony, especially considered as including the associated celebrations.”
- Dowry: “property or money brought by a bride to her husband on their marriage.”
- Concubinage: “the practice of keeping a concubine.” “the state of being a concubine.”(Gee, thanks Google) “being a woman with whom a man cohabits without being married”
- Polygamy: “marriage in which a spouse of either sex may have more than one mate at the same time”. Arabs and some others.
- Monogamy: “the practice or state of being married to one person at a time.” This is the common types of marriage we usually see in western culture.
- arranged marriage | cohabitation | alimony | living apart together
- Arranged marriage: An arranged marriage, by parents.
- Cohabitation: Living together in the same house.
- Alimony: “a husband's or wife's court-ordered provision for a spouse after separation or divorce.”
- “living apart together”: Couples living apart together (LAT) have an intimate relationship but live at separate addresses. LAT couples account for around 10% of adults in Britain, a figure which equates to over a quarter of all those not married or cohabiting.
- ghost marriage | sheng nu | nikah mut’ah | ketubah | levirate
- Ghost marriage: “In Sudan, a ghost marriage is a marriage where a deceased groom is replaced by his brother. The brother serves as a stand in to the bride, and any resulting children are considered children of the deceased spouse.” WHAT!?(Personal opinion)
- sheng nu: “Sheng nu (剩女; shèngnǚ; common translation: "leftover women" or "leftover ladies") is a derogatory term made popular by the All-China Women's Federation that classifies women who remain unmarried in their late twenties and beyond.”
- nikah mut’ah: “Mut'ah, literally meaning joy, is a condition where rules of Islam are relaxed. It can apply to marriage (the nikah mut'ah) or to the Hajj (the obligatory pilgrimage) (the Mut'ah of Hajj).”
- Ketubah: “A ketubah (Hebrew: כְּתוּבָּה, "written thing"; pl. ketubot) is a special type of Jewish prenuptial agreement. It is considered an integral part of a traditional Jewish marriage, and outlines the rights and responsibilities of the groom, in relation to the bride.”
- Levirate: “a custom of the ancient Hebrews and other peoples by which a man may be obliged to marry his brother's widow.” WHAT!!?(personal opinion)
- civil union | no-fault divorce | annulment | green card marriage
- civil union: “a legally recognized union of a same-sex couple, with rights similar to those of marriage.”
- no-fault divorce: “no fault divorce. n. divorces (dissolutions) in which neither spouse is required to prove "fault" or marital misconduct on the part of the other. To obtain a divorce a spouse must merely assert incompatibility or irreconcilable differences, meaning the marriage has irretrievably broken down.”
- Annulment: “the act of annulling something.”(gee, thanks Google) “a mental process by which unpleasant or painful ideas are abolished from the mind.” “Unlike divorce, it is usually retroactive, meaning that an annulled marriage is considered to be invalid from the beginning almost as if it had never taken place”. It is helpful that we are able to forget the bad things in life, but it is still important that it is also the bad things and mistakes made which allows us to grow and become better people.
- Green card marriage: “A green card marriage is a marriage of convenience between a legal resident of the United States of America and a person who would be ineligible for residency but for being married to the resident.”
- bridewealth | wedding | dowry | concubinage | polygamy | monogamy
- Essential Questions
- How has social media influenced your relationships?
- Social media has made communication a million times easier. I can talk to a friend in Finland with just a few taps on my phone. So I am more closely connected to everyone else. But a drawback of this is that nothing stays secret. If I started going out with X, all the other alphabets would know in a second because there are people watching me all the time. If they find something interesting, they would take a photo and post it on their snapchat stories with the caption “Ship deez 2”, which applies more pressure to approaching anyone of the opposite gender.
- Does social media affect the way you perceive other people?
- Certainly. Through what they post and say on social media, I can get a strong grip of what kind of person they are. For example, if they frequently post themselves half naked, they must be a very sexual person. On the opposite hand, if they usually take photos of other people, it may imply that they are insecure about themselves and rather take pictures of other people rather than themselves. If someone states that they support the Nazis on their Snapchat stories, I’ll be more cautious of the actions of that person.
- What would your life be like without social media?
- Not much inconvenience would be caused if social media never existed. (Social media: Twitter and FB and stuff, not Mass-communication media like T.V.s and radios) But I’d say it is better to have social media overall. Say for example you are a refugee fleeing from your country. You have a phone, like many of the refugees in the world. Through social media, you can communicate with other refugees to learn dangers and situations in different places at real time, in order to make your migration more successful. But my life wouldn’t be as impacted, because I prefer real life interactions with people rather than through a screen.
- Do people relate differently when they are anonymous online than when they use their real names?
- When you are anonymous online, that means that no one can attack you for voicing your own honest opinions. No matter how much you trash talk someone online, the people around you would never even know that you were online (Unless you’re an idiot). So people can be honest and critical. But when you use your real names, your personal relationships with other people are at risk. Everything you say is heard with the understanding that you said it. So people would cover up some parts of what they want to say, or even lie.
- How does the medium in which we communicate affect what we’re saying? Can you communicate something on Snapchat that you can’t on, say, WhatsApp - and why would you choose one medium over another?
- Every social media app has it’s catch. For example, everything on Snapchat gets hidden if not saved, and Discord allows you to play online games while you chat in real time. One might want to use Snapchat over Skype, when they are talking about things that you don’t want other people to see or be kept there. Things relating to personal, private topics. On the other hand, you might use Skype when talking to your colleagues about an upcoming project in a group chat. I guess the use of each application depends on how you want to communicate that message.
- How has social media influenced your relationships?
- Notable Social Media (Examples)
- As you explore each medium, consider its impact on human relationships. How does it bring people together? What are its limitations? What assumptions does it make or encourage?
- Interacting
- Email and Letter-Writing
- Email: free, formal method of communication at work or school. Messages can be deleted to keep things organized. Limitations: Must have internet connection, and a device. Also, must know the other person’s email address. If used at school or work, must be written formally using a strict structure.
- Letter-Writing: Formal method of communicating serious topics. Letters do not get deleted unless you rip apart/burn the letter. Often, emotions can be written to be emphasized. For example, love letters are usually handwritten and sent in an envelope in order to express seriousness and dedication, as well as importance of the message.
- Facebook | Twitter | MySpace | Viber | Tinder
- FB, MySpace, Viber and Twitter: Used to post events and photos of experiences to be shared to a wide range of people. Who looks at your stuff can be controlled through privacy settings. Some people interpret people who update their profiles frequently as attention seekers
- Tinder: “Tinder is a location-based social search mobile app that allows users to like or dislike other users, and allows users to chat if both parties swiped to the right.” It is one of those so-called ‘hook-up apps’, which takes two single people’s profiles and introduces them to each other. “The app shows you photos of singles based on your preferences. You swipe left if you don’t like them and swipe right if you do. If someone you like also swiped right on your photo, the app immediately informs you, “It’s a Match!” and urges you to begin chatting. Beware: Tinder is addictive. But, is it just a hook-up app for the ‘hit-it-and-quit-it’ culture”. Get out and find your match in real life, creepy dumbasses! (Personal opinion) Tinder promotes the crooked idea that everyone in the world wants to get ‘hooked up’ with another person to have sex. It sure does ‘bring people together’, but in a very unnatural, forceful way. I don’t like Tinder users. (personal opinion)
- Discord | Whatsapp | WeChat | Vkontakte
- Discord: A chat application associated with gamers, which has the need to chat with their friends while playing multiplayer games.
- Whatsapp: Something similar to LINE, Skype and Messenger
- WeChat: A Chinese version of Whatsapp and other chatting platform, because the Chinese government enjoys restricting services used in the rest of the world, like Google. They made their own versions of them, like Baidu and WeChat. (Personal opinion)
- Vkontakte: VK is a Russian-based online social media and social networking service. It is available in several languages but it is especially popular among Russian-speaking users.
- Email and Letter-Writing
- Sharing
- Snapchat | Instagram | Reddit | LinkedIn
- Snapchat: In this app, you can take photos and post them on your stories, as well as chat with other people. But the dumb part is, how Snapchat decided to make a ‘streaks’ system, in which people need to take a photo and send it to one another within 24 hours to continue their ‘streak’. The streaks grow, and grow, and grow, and grow so large that ending this streak causes extreme anguish and hate between one another. Also, everything you send to each other gets hidden after it’s been seen a maximum of 2 times. It does ‘bring people together’, but it does so strongly that when it breaks, it causes a massive nuclear reaction and destroys a lot of stuff.
- Instagram: A photo/video posting application where users post photos of different things to get ‘likes’. The quality of the photo is measured through the number of ‘likes’ it gets. These number of ‘likes’ are often misinterpreted as the measurement of the quality of the uploaded. If I uploaded a photo of a random cat, I would get 3~4 likes. If one of my friends in the ‘popular group’ posts the same photo, she would get 2K~5K likes. But does that mean that she’s 1000x higher in quality as a person than me? Probably not. (100% personal opinion) It also allows chatting.
- Reddit: Reddit is an American social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website. Registered members submit content to the site such as links, text posts, and images, which are then voted up or down by other members. So now people have the right to judge whether a website is high quality or not. Since when are you so smart? (Personal opinion)
- LinkedIn: LinkedIn is a business- and employment-oriented social networking service that operates via websites and mobile apps. So it’s more business related.
- Line | Kakaotalk | Behance | Pinterest
- LINE: Line is a freeware app for instant communications on electronic devices such as smartphones, tablet computers, and personal computers. Line users exchange texts, images, video and audio, and conduct free VoIP conversations and video conferences. It’s what Korean, Thai and Japanese people use to communicate.(Personal opinion).
Kakaotalk: Another app similar to LINE and Whatsapp, except it is even available on pretty much all platforms (including Windows, Mac, Bada OS and Blackberry). Created in 2010, the app comes in 15 different languages but is most popular in South Korea, where it was recorded last year that 93% of all smartphones have the app installed. - Behance: Behance is a network of sites and services specializing in self-promotion, including consulting and online portfolio sites. It is owned by Adobe. So this is another business related SMS thing.
- Pinterest: “Pinterest is a web and mobile application company that operates a software system designed to discover information on the World Wide Web, mainly using images and on a shorter scale, GIFs and videos.”
- LINE: Line is a freeware app for instant communications on electronic devices such as smartphones, tablet computers, and personal computers. Line users exchange texts, images, video and audio, and conduct free VoIP conversations and video conferences. It’s what Korean, Thai and Japanese people use to communicate.(Personal opinion).
- Tumblr | StumbleUpon
- Tumblr: “Tumblr is a microblogging and social networking website founded by David Karp in 2007, and owned by Oath Inc. The service allows users to post multimedia and other content to a short-form blog. Users can follow other users' blogs.”
- StumbleUpon: “StumbleUpon is a discovery engine that finds and recommends web content to its users. Its features allow users to discover and rate Web pages, photos and videos that are personalized to their tastes …” Sounds like an AI experiment to me. (Personal opinion)
- Snapchat | Instagram | Reddit | LinkedIn
- Modern Exchange and Interaction
- parasocial interaction | obsession | Internet relationship
- Parasocial interaction: Parasocial interaction (PSI) offers an explanation of the ways in which audience members develop their one-sided relationships with the media being consumed.” “Parasocial relationships are one-sided relationships, where one person extends emotional energy, interest and time, and the other party, the persona, is completely unaware of the other's existence. Parasocial relationships are most common with celebrities, organizations (such as sports teams) or television stars.”
- Obsession: “an idea or thought that continually preoccupies or intrudes on a person's mind.” Obsession is never good.(Personal opinion)
- Internet relationship: “An internet relationship is a relationship between people who have met online, and in many cases know each other only via the Internet. Online relationships are similar in many ways to pen pal relationships. This relationship can be romantic, platonic, or even based on business affairs.”
- uses and gratification theory | celebrity worship | virality
- uses and gratification theory: “Uses and gratifications theory is an approach to understanding why and how people actively seek out specific media to satisfy specific needs. UGT is an audience-centered approach to understanding mass communication. ... It assumes that audience members are not passive consumers of media.” “At the core of uses and gratifications theory lies the assumption that audience members actively seek out the mass media to satisfy individual needs. It is an audience-centred approach.”
- celebrity worship: “Celebrity worship syndrome. ... Celebrity worship syndrome (CWS) is an obsessive addictive disorder in which a person becomes overly involved with the details of a celebrity's personal and professional life.” Some may call these people a fanboy.
- Virality: “the tendency of an image, video, or piece of information to be circulated rapidly and widely from one Internet user to another; the quality or fact of being viral.” Memes.
- misrepresentation | cyberstalking | cyberasociality
- Misrepresentation: “the action or offense of giving a false or misleading account of the nature of something.” “to give a false or misleading representation of usually with an intent to deceive or be unfair” Some may call media bias
- Cyberstalking: “the use of electronic communication to harass or threaten someone with physical harm”
- Cyber Asociality: “Says Cornell’s Matthew E. Brashears, “We define cyber asociality as the inability or unwillingness of some people to relate to others via social media as they do when physically present. Cyber Asociality may be emerging as a modern variation in digitally mediated sociality.”” Scary.(Personal opinion)
- synchronization | pseudocommunity | Media Equation
- Synchronization: “the operation or activity of two or more things at the same time or rate.” Nothing special there.
- Pseudo Community: “pseudo community (plural pseudo communities) A group of people who appear to be a community but between whom there is no genuine commonality or depth of interaction.” In other words, fake friends.
- Media Equation: “The Media Equation is a general communication theory that claims that people tend to treat computers and other media as if they were either real people or real places.” What has the world become?(Personal opinion) People mustn't forget the difference between what’s REAL, and what’s NOT.
- parasocial interaction | obsession | Internet relationship
- Connections of the Future
- quantum communication | hologram | ansible
- quantum communication: “Quantum communication is a field of applied quantum physics closely related to quantum information processing and quantum teleportation. Its most interesting application is protecting information channels against eavesdropping by means of quantum cryptography.” People must not simply use quantum future technology to eavesdrop and cause trouble.
- Hologram: “a three-dimensional image formed by the interference of light beams from a laser or other coherent light source.” In other words, STAR WARS in real life.
- Ansible: “An ansible is a category of fictional device or technology capable of instantaneous or faster-than-light communication. It can send and receive messages to and from a corresponding device over any distance or obstacle whatsoever with no delay.” I have no idea what the future holds for us.(Personal opinion)
- augmented reality | virtual reality | smart machines
- Augmented Reality: “a technology that superimposes a computer-generated image on a user's view of the real world, thus providing a composite view.” (Sword Art Online Ordinal Scale) It is the ability to project virtual images onto real life but only through a computer generated lens.
- VR: “the computer-generated simulation of a three-dimensional image or environment that can be interacted with in a seemingly real or physical way by a person using special electronic equipment, such as a helmet with a screen inside or gloves fitted with sensors.” (Sword Art Online) Some people misuse VR in order to fulfill their lustful needs. Which will not be mentioned here.
- Smart Machines: “A smart machine is an intelligent device that uses machine-to-machine (M2M) technology. Smart machines include robots, self-driving cars and other cognitive computing systems that are able to make decisions and solve problems without human intervention” This is the future. (Personal opinion)
- voice-enabled technologies | artificial intelligence
- voice-enabled technologies: “The consumer IT giants -- such as Google, Amazon, Apple, and Microsoft -- have all invested heavily in voice technology. Analyst Gartner estimated two years that 30 percent of our interactions with technology will be through 'conversations' with smart machines by 2018.” These are computer generated assistants with the ability to speak and listen. These include: Siri, Cortana, Alexa and Google Assistant.
- AI: “the theory and development of computer systems able to perform tasks that normally require human intelligence, such as visual perception, speech recognition, decision-making, and translation between languages.” A lot of controversy around this topic, from people who want to see a fully commuted world to some who fear the world in “Terminator” by Universal studios. This technology was used by the U.S. in missile algorithms to attack the middle east. If this is used in war, lots of people would die.
- quantum communication | hologram | ansible
- Essential Questions
- Some communities create boundaries between themselves and the rest of the world; does living within such boundaries affect how relationships form?
- Of course. If a boundary is formed between communities and the rest of the world, people within the boundaries have no idea of what goes outside their small world. But because they do not feel the need to explore, they make offsprings within their boundaries. In history, this was common. But this has caused for genetic diseases to spread amongst the communities, calling for the need to get people from external communities for the sake of preservation of the community. And for the first time, the people would understand how large and vast the world is.
- Other communities are organized with internal boundaries, whether hallways in a dormitory or castes in a society. How do relationships form within and across such boundaries?
- People near other, in proximity have higher chances of getting to know each other and forming relationships. Usually, people become comfortable within their boundaries and doesn’t feel the need for change, so people make offsprings and families within these boundaries. Only when they feel the need to step out and take a look, they will. But sometimes, a miraculous event brings two people together which would’ve never been connected. People call this a work of fate, and are considered romantic.
- When two very different communities are forced to interact, how do the people within them relate? Do they become more alike or more different? What might lead to one outcome or the other?
- When two different communities are forced to interact, there would be a lot of conflict against the fact that they have to interact. But in the end, if they manage to accept one another’s existence, they would acknowledge the fact that they are all people of the same species. But as the two cultures merge, the people of each culture practice and develop their own music and arts in order to preserve their own culture. Their lifestyles will be something more alike, but their culture will remain different and intact.
- Some communities create boundaries between themselves and the rest of the world; does living within such boundaries affect how relationships form?
- Key Social Structures to Explore (examples)
- intentional community | multigenerational living
- intentional community: “An intentional community is a planned residential community designed from the start to have a high degree of social cohesion and teamwork. The members of an intentional community typically hold a common social, political, religious, or spiritual vision and often follow an alternative lifestyle.” I understand that communities like this are highly successful and effective at accomplishing difficult tasks together, but the manmade-ness of these communities doesn’t allow me to fully appreciate this concept.
- Multigenerational living: “The U.S. Census Bureau defines multigenerational families as those consisting of more than two generations living under the same roof. Many researchers also include households with a grandparent and at least one other generation”. I find it heartwarming that there is so much love and unity within the family, that the entire family cares for the elderly and nurtures the upcoming generation.
- commune | kibbutz | ashram | ecovillage | cohousing
- Commune: “a group of people living together and sharing possessions and responsibilities.”
- Kibbutz: “a communal settlement in Israel, typically a farm.”
- Ashram: “(especially in South Asia) a hermitage, monastic community, or other place of religious retreat.”
- Ecovillage: “a community whose inhabitants seek to live according to ecological principles, causing as little impact on the environment as possible.” Very admirable.(Personal opinion)
- Cohousing: “Cohousing is an intentional community of private homes clustered around shared space. Each attached or single family home has traditional amenities, including a private kitchen. Shared spaces typically feature a common house, which may include a large kitchen and dining area, laundry, and recreational spaces.”
- micronation | Levittown | hostel | dormitory | ghetto
- Micronation: “a small area or political entity that claims national sovereignty but is not recognized by other sovereign states.”
- Levittown: “Levittown is the name of seven large suburban housing developments created in the United States of America by William Levitt and his company Levitt & Sons.”
- Hostel: “an establishment that provides inexpensive food and lodging for a specific group of people, such as students, workers, or travelers.”
- Dormitory: “a large bedroom for a number of people in a school or institution.” “denoting a small town or suburb providing a residential area for those who work in a nearby city.”
- Ghetto: “a part of a city, especially a slum area, occupied by a minority group or groups.” “put in or restrict to an isolated or segregated area or group.”
- gangs | fraternities | sororities | societies
- Gangs: Most likely known in America and Italy, gangs are groups of friends and/or family members with a defined leader and internal organization that identifies with a certain place (usually a city or neighborhood block) and might engage in illegal and violent behavior.
- Fraternities: Fraternities and Sororities fall under the category of Greek Letter Organizations (GLO). You’ll find these in colleges and universities, mostly those in America, France and the Philippines. Consider this a mini country in university. They mostly accept undergraduates who pledge allegiance and remain in the fraternity for life. They all share 5 key concepts: Secrecy, single-sex membership, selection of new members through rushing and pledging, ownership of a residential property at which the members live and the use of complex passwords with different symbols and features to identify themselves.
- Sororities: Same as Fraternities, except for females in a university. Furthermore, sororities are more strict on their acceptance, also looking at your GPA and other academic aspects.
- Societies: The people of a particular country. A group of people with the same interests working toward similar goals. Pretty much any group of people you find in a community are also a society.
- intentional community | multigenerational living
- Additional Terms to Learn
- border towns | “Chinatowns” | enclaves and exclaves
- border towns: “A border town is a town or city close to the boundary between two countries, states, or regions. Usually the term implies that the nearness to the border is one of the things the place is most famous for.”
- Chinatowns: “a district of any non-Chinese town, especially a city or seaport, in which the population is predominantly of Chinese origin.”
- enclaves and exclaves: “In political geography, an enclave is a piece of land which is totally surrounded by a foreign territory. An exclave is a piece of land which is politically attached to a larger piece but not physically coterminous with it because of surrounding foreign territory. Many entities are both enclaves and exclaves.”
- mutual society | culture shock | assimilation | adaptation
- mutual society: “A mutual, mutual organization, or mutual society is an organization (which is often, but not always, a company or business) based on the principle of mutuality. ... Mutuals exist for the members to benefit from the services they provide and often do not pay income tax.”
- Culture shock: “the feeling of disorientation experienced by someone who is suddenly subjected to an unfamiliar culture, way of life, or set of attitudes.”
- Assimilation: “the process of taking in and fully understanding information or ideas.”
- Adaptation: “the action or process of adapting or being adapted.”
- acculturation | biculturalism | hybridity | xenophobia
- Acculturation: “Definition of acculturation. 1 : cultural modification of an individual, group, or people by adapting to or borrowing traits from another culture. the acculturation of immigrants to American life ; also : a merging of cultures as a result of prolonged contact.”
- Biculturalism: “Official policy recognizing, fostering, or encouraging biculturalism typically emerges in countries that have emerged from a history of national or ethnic conflict in which neither side has gained complete victory. This condition usually arises from colonial settlement.”
- Hybridity: “Hybridity is a cross between two separate races, plants or cultures. A hybrid is something that is mixed, and hybridity is simply mixture. Hybridity is not a new cultural or historical phenomenon. ... The word hybridity was in use in English since the early 17th century and gained popular currency in the 19th century.”
- Xenophobia: “intense or irrational dislike or fear of people from other countries.” Having this phobia will be an extremely problematic matter in the upcoming ages of globalization and international migration. My condolences.
- border towns | “Chinatowns” | enclaves and exclaves
- Consider the Monument of Kalhu, believed to be the oldest-surviving record of a handshake, then discuss with your team: why are handshakes as universal a gesture as they are? (And are they as universal as people think?) What are alternatives to handshakes within and across different cultures?
- We believe that the reason why the Handshake is so popular across history, is because it is very simple, yet allows people to have skinship and physical contact with one another. Two of the most key properties of man, is their ability to converse using a common language and perform complex actions with their hands. Therefore, the handshake is something only us Humans can do. Alternatives to handshakes include the bow, hug and friendly kiss. In Japanese culture, for example, people don’t touch each other as much as other European cultures. So they prefer the bow, which shows respect without any physical contact. Other cultures such as the Argentinian culture, where “people are fairly tactile: we hug and kiss and hold hands all the time. We give one peck on the check when we greet friends and family and even acquaintances. When we’re introduced to new people, say at a party, we tend to kiss too, especially women. Men hug and kiss their friends too (both male and female).”(Pocket Cultures)
- This linked TIME article discusses the changing American family, but industrialization (and technologization) is changing families around the world. What does your family look like? Have families changed since your parents were children? Your grandparents?
- Almost nothing in this world is static. Change is natural, and must be accepted. One of the changes which is evident throughout families in MEDC’s, are the decrease in the number of children people have. This is known as the S-shaped pattern, with an exponential increase in population followed by a decrease, which then is followed by a calmer fluctuation. This pattern occurs frequently in ecology, and describes the way populations are balanced. So my Japanese grandfather had 5 siblings, as the Japanese population was facing the exponential increasing stage of the pattern. Nowadays, as we all know, Japan is facing a social predicament in which people are having less children and the elderly population is overtaking the younger. So my family today has less siblings than my grandparent’s family.
- Another point is that due to the empowerment of women, the shape of the ‘typical family’ is morphing. A few decades ago, the ‘typical family’ would be a father working in the office, a mother taking care of children and doing chores at home, and a few children. But nowadays, women began to pursue what they want to do and experience the world, attempting to climb the company ladder and have a decent career. This not only caused women to have less children, they began to leave their child at home alone or with a babysitter/caretaker. So children have stopped being taken care of by their parents. A few decades ago, pushing the responsibilities of raising a child onto someone completely unrelated would’ve been a cretinous move, but today, it is accepted widely by society, especially the developed world.
- Compare these two isolated societies--one that still resists contact, and one that tried to, but failed. Would it be in the best interests of such societies to reach out, and should we try to contact them? How would it affect them if they integrated into a globalized environment?
- This is a very difficult question, because firstly, we need to understand that from their perspective, we are as unknown and feared as aliens (in the space definition). They are a primitive society with little civilization. At this point in time, the gap in development is far too wide that we appear as a threat to them. Also, it is for a fact that we wouldn’t have much benefits in contacting these communities, unless we intend to colonize their territory and enslave the people (which is against the Universal Declaration of Human Rights). But if the modern society has made the decision to reach out to these communities, it would be very difficult to get the indigenous cultures to open up. The only time where it might be possible to establish a peaceful relationship is if for example a natural disaster has struck the land, and the people there are in need of support. Then, we can get expert cooperation in order to communicate with these people and lend them a helping hand. But it is near impossible for them to understand the complex economical and political systems we have now in the modern world, so I highly recommend giving up attempting to connect with these people.
- Research border towns around the world - such as Heihe and Blagoveshchensk, El Paso and Juarez, and Shenzhen and Hong Kong - and discuss with your team: do these communities benefit from their entanglements? How notably are their cultures impacted? Should governments do more to open cities to their cross-border counterparts?
- Today, the world is split up into distinct countries through borders. But these borders are merely lines drawn on a map given a political significance. The question whether border towns benefit from their special geographic location which bring about unique entanglements is a difficult one. On one hand, these people are often less aware of what happens in the international world, as they live far from the capital cities where information flows in easily. But on the other hand, these people are able to easily step out of their boundaries in order to form relationships with people of other nationalities. Observing these people of different nationalities connect and communicate is beautiful, as it gives us a glimpse of the true nature of people, in which we are all 1 people and our differences aren’t meant to keep us apart. Of course, there are political factors that differentiates the lives of these people from ours, but the true core essence of relationships never changes, no matter how interracial the entangle is.
- What are some of the psychological reasons that we interact with other people the way we do? Consider the spiral of silence theory. Have you ever refrained from voicing your opinion for fear of negative consequences? In hindsight, would it have been better if you had spoken up?
- I believe this theory is true due to the presence of people’s social intelligence. People have the ability to ‘read the air’, which means that they can act in a certain way based on what they observe. This ability creates the fear of isolation, when the group or public realizes that the individual has a divergent opinion from the status quo, and the fear of reprisal or more extreme isolation, in the sense that voicing said opinion might lead to a negative consequence beyond that of mere isolation (loss of a job, status, etc.) But most often, I don’t regret not speaking up, if I decide that it is the most intelligent option to do so.(personal opinion)
- Look into the Five Bonds of Confucianism, then discuss with your team: how well do they describe relationships in today's world, and should we try to follow them in our own lives? If you had to list the bonds you believe apply most to modern society, what would they be, and how much would they vary from culture to culture or place to place?
- Confucianism: “a system of philosophical and ethical teachings founded by Confucius and developed by Mencius.” This working out of Li is especially important in what Confucianism holds as the Five Key Relationships; they are the relationship of ruler to subject, father to son, husband to wife, elder to younger and friend to friend. If one follows the concept of Li, each of these relationships will be marked with harmony and thus lead to a more peaceful and stable relationship and life.
- Consider this article, then discuss with your team: in your experience, does the process of making friends actually differ as you age? Should we create more situations in which it is easier for older people to make friends?
- In our opinion, the process of making friends become more formal and organized and civilized. When we are still innocent ignorant children, friends are made through coincidental matchups caused by random occurrences. But the reason why older people tend to have less friends is because there is the need to develop stronger relationships to be able to work with them effectively. Also, many say that once you reach adulthood, it is almost impossible to make ‘real’ friends, as the people you meet for/at work are at some sort of inferior/superior relationship.
- Studies suggest that people with pets (in this case, dogs) live longer. Discuss with your team: is it possible for animals to substitute for humans in terms of companionship and friendship? Do humans ultimately need to lead lives entangled with those of others in order to be their healthiest, happiest selves?
- It is possible for animals to substitute for friends. But it is impossible to substitute a lifelong ‘partner’. This is because animals such as dogs are very loyal to their owner, and the owner also enjoys the pet’s company. They will spend valuable time together as a friend. But then it is for a fact that animals have shorter life spans that humans, making it almost impossible to stay with them for the rest of your life, and you cannot marry your dog and make offsprings with a dog. Sure, a pet can make you temporarily happy, but then you will need to learn to find a human partner to live the rest of your life with and make a family.
- In some societies, human relationships are organized by formal or informal caste systems; the linked article suggests that such a caste system continues to impact society in the world's largest democracy, India. Discuss with your team: do you recognize any "caste systems" in your own lives, offline or online? And, are they necessarily a bad thing?
- Informal caste systems can be observed in the online and offline world. These castes are often made of people of high social status vs. those with lower social status, and one’s placement is depending on how rich and ‘important’ their family is. From one perspective, these castes encourages discrimination to those within lower levels, and the lower class people suffer from a lack of resources and privileges. But from another perspective, it could also be seen that these caste systems allow for intimate communities to be formed, cultivating new friendships and relationships.
- Why is the exchange of rings linked to marriage in so much of the world – and are there any widespread alternatives?
- “The importance of the circle. A circle has no beginning or end and is therefore a symbol of infinity. It is endless, eternal, just the way love should be. For many the wedding ring is worn on the fourth finger of the left hand. This is because the vein in this finger was believed to lead directly to the wearer's heart.” Also, there are alternatives which differ across cultures, such as holy ceremonies in Thai culture.
- Furby, Paro, even (someday) BB8: is it possible (and/or desirable) for people to have human-like relationships with artificial friends?
- I believe that it will be possible for human-machine relationships to be formed, but sadly, it will most likely ‘fake’ and one sided. This is because unless these machines have learned what ‘friendship’ really is, they are merely machines commanded to make our lives easier. We may feel a close favor for these robots, but that is only for the benefits they provide. They have nothing to gain from accompanying us. So it is impossible to establish human-like relationships with artificial friends. They were born as tools, and will always stay a tool.
- In China, millions of people talk, shop, and work through the service Wechat, which enables its users to conduct nearly all the business of their daily lives. What aspects of a culture might make it more feasible to implement such a service? Are there any drawbacks to conducting your life through a single platform? Why has WeChat had trouble expanding into new markets?
- It is interesting to have a peek into a fully digitized society, which China is starting to become. In order to fully implement this system of digital transactions to become the mainstream, some cultures must be made, and some lost. One culture made will be to fully depend and trust your mobile device to complete all transactions correctly and safely, as you are trusting a machine with all of your personal information. On the other hand, a culture that would be lost is the culture to bargain and negotiate with vendors in trade. If all transactions and trade occurs digitally, controlled by a single platform, that culture to negotiate with the sellers and bargain will be lost forever. One of the reasons why WeChat has trouble expanding into new markets and areas, may be due to the fact that the rest of the world hasn’t yet made that transition to entrust these mobile devices with their personal information, with the elderly population still having doubts about the security of this technology. But once that culture mentioned earlier is made, platforms similar to WeChat will begin to arise in different developed nations of the world.
- Hey, Siri! Voice-enabled technologies allow us to effectively have conversations with robots. How do they differ from, and affect, those with flesh-and-blood people?
- One of the major factors are that you can’t see Siri’s face and body. “Nonverbal communication describes the process of shared cues between people, which goes hand-in-hand with public speaking. This can include eye contact, frequency of glances, blink rate, gestures, facial expressions, postures, and more.” Because we can’t see Siri’s non-verbal communication, we cannot fully understand Siri’s emotions (if he/she has any). A fear is that people start to talk more to voice enabled technologies than to flesh and blood people. We must not forget that these voices are computer generated artificial intelligence programmed by a group of intelligent people.
- That filter on your selfie, that Photoshopped landscape—some consider the way we portray ourselves on social media to be deceptive, or to amount to a double life. Discuss with your team: should people be more authentic on the Internet, and are there social benefits to altering reality?
- The reason why people photoshop images they put on social media is because they have a part of them which are insecure about themselves. Due to their insecurities, they tend to feel the need to dress up their experiences, and make it look shinier and prettier. We must not forget that social media is a platform where people are supposed to express their everyday experiences, and lying on it would be meaningless. It may be a temporary satisfaction to see ‘likes’ on your photoshopped image, but what value is there if people enjoy looking at your fantasies? Can you be honestly happy about it? Often, people get the misconception that social media is a place to shout out how amazing your life is to the rest of the world, when it isn’t. Authenticity and honesty to yourself is key on the Internet.
- Do you agree with MIT professor Sherry Turkle (in this slightly dated interview) that social media offers the "illusion of companionship without the demands of friendship"? Discuss with your team: what, if any, *are* the demands of friendship, and do they vary online?
- “In many ways we are forgetting the intellectual and emotional value of solitude. You’re not lonely in solitude. You’re only lonely if you forget how to use solitude to replenish yourself and to learn. And you don’t want a generation that experiences solitude as loneliness. And that is something to be concerned about, because if kids feel that they need to be connected in order to be themselves, that’s quite unhealthy. They’ll always feel lonely, because the connections that they’re forming are not going to give them what they seek.” “There’s this sense that you can have the illusion of companionship without the demands of friendship. The real demands of friendship, of intimacy, are complicated. They’re hard. They involve a lot of negotiation. They’re all the things that are difficult about adolescence. And adolescence is the time when people are using technology to skip and to cut corners and to not have to do some of these very hard things. One of the things I’ve found with continual connectivity is there’s an anxiety of disconnection; that these teens have a kind of panic. They say things like, “I lost my iPhone; it felt like somebody died, as though I’d lost my mind.” The technology is already part of them.” The demands of friendships are, that the friend is able to participate in activities together with you, and share experiences, memories, and emotions together. Friends laugh together and cry together. There will be disagreements and conflicts between friends, but those conflicts will eventually reach an agreement and resolution; naturally. Why? Simple. Because they are friends. This core essence of ‘friendship’ shouldn’t vary, where your friends are. If you are able to truly connect with your friends through social media, it’s fine. But if it is blocking you from making true friends, causing you to create another, prettier version of yourself on social media, those aren’t your friends.
- Look into the case of this wormhole connecting students at Stanford and MIT. How does the wormhole try to emulate aspects of real-life friendship formation?
- “The overhead dome has three speakers that bounce the sound off the dome and focus it toward the diners; below are three microphones positioned to collect sound from people’s mouths. The shapes of the domes create a whisper chamber-type effect, where sound is focused and directed to the listener’s ear. “ There is certainly the aspect of digital technology and innovation, merged together with design. “And you could not get the same result with two laptops and Skype, the Internet video-calling service, because there would not be the quality that makes casual conversations in the cafe atmosphere possible.” These technologies allow for communication between MIT and Stanford so smooth, that it feels as if you have been transported to another table in another coffee shop 3,000 miles away. Since these are still man to man verbal communication with the ability to see and hear each other clearly, this is very similar to a normal conversation between two people simply sitting at a coffee table.
- Consider the theory (most associated with Stanford professor Clifford Nass) that humans relate to computers as if they, too, were human. Discuss with your team: have you found this theory (the so-called "Media Equation") to be true in your own lives? What are the implications for the design of computers and other gadgets, if so?
- “Their studies show that people are polite to computers; that they treat computers with female voices differently than male-voiced computers; that large faces on a screen can invade a person's body space; and that motion on a screen affects physical responses in the same way that real-life motion does. One of their startling conclusions is that the human brain has not evolved quickly enough to assimilate twentieth-century technology. The authors detail how this knowledge can help us better design and evaluate media technologies, including computer and Internet software, television entertainment, news, and advertising, and multimedia.” The development of voice enabled assistants such as Siri and Cortana has developed a misconception within us that these are ‘people’. As mentioned earlier, we must not forget that these entities which have the abilities to speak and answer questions are not people, but a program designed to escort you. The second we begin to treat computers the same way as humans, we will lose that boundary between what is ‘real’ and what isn’t.
- Much of this outline has focused on friendship, but we should take some time to study a very different sort of human relationship: that of enemies. Consider this article, then discuss with your team: do you have any enemies? Does your family? What causes people to become enemies, and is the process reversible? Or, is the whole concept of enemies more applicable to fiction than to real life?
- Enemy: “a person who is actively opposed or hostile to someone or something.” An example of a person we see as an enemy in our everyday lives, is a rival which wishes to form a romantic relationship with the person you like. You may consider them an enemy, as they prevent you from forming that relationship with that person, and you prevent them from ‘getting in’. This opposing will which clashes to form a conflict turns that person into an ‘enemy’. Because we all live in such world where 7.5 billion people are fit onto a big spinning ball, there are people who have opposite interests as we do, causing us to clash and fight. Having enemies are just as natural as having friends, as they arise from connections and coincidences, which leads to communication. The question of how the relationship changes after the communication differs by every case. Still, it is also for a fact that enemies in fictional stories are exaggerated in order to catch audience engagement and attention. But these are only business strategies at work, not a reflection of human nature.